The EXCELLENT Adventures of Ted and Antonie
by Coronet1
Summary: Antonie and Ted, two easily angered teenaged vampires, get sucked into Blood Omen 2... and just wait and see what happens to them! Chapter 2's up
1. Fangirls? I Think Not

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The EXCELLENT Adventures of Ted and Antonie   
  
  
Chapter 1- Fangirls? I Think Not... 

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It was a dark and stormy night. Sorry about the cliche, but that's how best I can describe it. I was seated, absorbed in my Anne Rice novel as my friend and fellow vampire, Ted, shrieked curses at her new favorite violent vampire video game...Blood Omen 2.   
  
I eyed my female friend (yes, Ted IS female) mysteriously over the pages of "Vittorio the Vampire" as she hurled insult after insult at the virtual vampire through the screen. Had he been alive, I would've witnessed the death of my friend. Sighing and slowly shaking my head sympathically, I returned to reading...   
  
Only to feel the substance of Cherry Coke splatter onto my head...   
  
"Why don't you just shut it off, Ted?" I asked her as the controller whizzed past my head and I reached for paper towels to dab off my face.   
  
"Because Sebastian just effen killed me AGAIN!" she muttered, tossing the long, walnut brown hair she kept back in a ponytail.   
  
Ted has dark, copper-colored skin and almost-black eyes. It's easy for her to escape the attentions of wannabe vampire hunters. She also has a fondness for Indian style beads and buckskins. She tells me she was part of the Shoshone tribe before she was turned, and I could believe her. Me, I look like a 20's It-girl. Ya don't know what that is? Think of Catherine Zeta-Jones in Chicago. You know, flapper dresses, hair cut just below the ears, rhinestone jewelry, zoot suits? Yup, that's me, the living Time Warp.   
  
My name is Antonie. I'm a lot more mature then my Indian friend, but she's a bit more down-to-earth then myself. While I enjoy quiet nights reading beautifully written novels of deadly vampires, seductive maidens and multilating demons, she enjoys witnessing it all in action movies, comics and video games rather then picturing it within her mind. She's somewhat of a hacker as well...   
  
One time (an unfortunate time) she had managed to hack into the Soul Reaver game, and actually created her own character from the data she added in. Then she put it in her computer, recorded her own voice into the data, and changed the entire role of Soul Reaver and Soul Reaver 2. I can only imagine what she's gonna do when LoK Defiance comes out!   
  
I resumed reading my book until I heard some odd crackling noises and Ted swearing. I looked over at her to see that she had accidentally spilled her Cherry Coke all over her PS2. A moment earlier she'd been trash talking to the green, pixellated vampire. The game had frozen up, and he looked furious. I set down my book and ran for the paper towels.   
  
"Here, Ted, let me help you wipe that up..."   
  
"Thanks, Tonie..." Ted said as she clutched what was left of.   
  
"No problem." I wiped off the top of the PS2, noticing that the television screen suddenly seemed more like a window to the world within the game, and that the green vampire whose name I didn't recall suddenly seemed terrifyingly real. I watched in openmouthed horror as he reached for Ted.   
  
"I've had enough of your mouth, wench!" he growled as he took her by the back of the shirt and dragged her into the screen.   
  
Of course, I dropped the paper towels and dove in after Ted. What? You can't expect all vampires to be heartless fiends who just let their buddies get sucked into a video game, can you?  
  
"I'M COMING TED!!!!!" I hollered as I crashed onto the ground.   
  
I landed roughly onto a stone floor, smacking my forehead off the ground. After muttering some intense profanity, I heard my exact words out loud only a few feet infront of me. That green vampire, the one who took Ted, he had her by the throat, holding her up in the air. It was then I felt at least four pairs of arms reach out and grab me as well, holding me back from the vampire holding up Ted.   
  
"Let me go!" I shrieked at the female vampire who was holding me back.   
  
She was dressed like a skank, clad in what looked like leftovers from the Victoria's Secret underwear sale and a special on armor from a Renaissance clothing website. She kept her black hair up in a high ponytail and had incredibly tacky tattoos on her face.   
  
"And put some clothes on," I muttered under my breath.   
  
The green vampire eyed me mysteriously, taking his eyes off the struggling Indian in his claw. Just as he did this, she rose up her legs and kicked him hard in the chest. This took him by surprise that her kick was that hard, but when she saw the furious glare build up, Ted's face had been painted a picture of fear and panic.   
  
"Please...let us go..." I said more softly, this time directing my attention toward the tall green vampire, "She had no idea that you actually existed behind the screen, she had no idea that..."   
  
"But does that excuse her behavior?" bellowed the green vampire.   
  
"No..." I admitted softly. Then I heard Ted mutter "Fangs, fangs!"   
  
While I wasn't certain what she meant, I had an idea. You see, when one has been a vampire for as long as Ted and I, one becomes rather adept at hiding her fangs. So...I decided to expose my fangs for this angry mob of vampires to see. Relunctantly, the green vampire slowly placed Ted onto the ground. Then he removed his claw from her throat. My friend placed her hand to her throat, seeming to almost massage it as she inhaled massive amounts of air. But before she knew it, I had crashed into her, knocking her over.   
  
"You're okay! You're okay!" I cried, causing her to gack.   
  
"Yeah.. get off..." she stammered.   
  
"Who...are you?" asked the Jolly Green Vampire (heh, couldn't resist).   
  
"My name's Antonie," I said quietly, deteching myself from Ted, "But you can call me 'Tonie' for short if you want."   
  
"And...I'm...Ted..." gasped my friend, still massaging her throat.   
  
"I am Vorador," said the green vampire, probably more for my benefit than Ted's, as Ted already seemed to know who he was. Then he gestured toward little miss 'Victoria's Secret Vampire'. "This is Umah"   
  
Umah glared daggers at me. Somehow I knew that I wasn't going to get along too well with her... 


	2. Ted States her PoV

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The EXCELLENT Adventures of Ted and Antonie   
  
Ted States Her PoV 

**_   
  
  
Wazzup? It's Ted here, taking over Chapter 2 of mine and Antonie's story. Anyways, Vorador didn't seem to thrilled to see me, and I actually felt like a moron for I seriously liked this vampire, even though he was fictional... then he comes alive and... well, you know what happened. Anywho, while Umah and Tonie were glaring daggers at each other, my throat managed to recover and I could talk normal again.   
  
"So, uh...have you seen my Cherry Coke?" I asked Vorador casually. He glared down at me.   
  
"You mean, that vile substance that you dumped on your...whatever that machine is called...?"   
  
"Yeah, that."   
  
"_How do you STAND that stuff!? It's horrid!_"   
  
I took that to mean that he had sampled what I had had left in the bottle sometime before he'd tried to strangle me.   
  
"Seven-up is better," Tonie said simply, "Especially Cherry Seven-up."   
  
The look on Vorador's face caused me to burst of laughing along with my friend. I was dubbed over, hands on knees, just cracking up over the sheer nonesense that was building up within the very room we stood in. After a moment of odd glances, I finally stood up, still trying to stop laughing.   
  
"You two are the most bizzare vampires I have ever seen in my entire life... you on the other hand don't even resemble a vampire." he said, glancing at me.   
  
I guess I couldn't blame Vorador for thinking so. When was the last time you ever saw a vampire wearing buckskin and beads? Sure the long, black hair is a give-away, but the coppertoned skin and circular pupils rather then the slit, cat-like ones resemebled more human then vampire.   
  
"I've seen a vampire with white hair around," Tonie said softly, "A male..."   
  
"That's Kain," Umah said shortly, "Keep your hands off of him!"   
  
"Believe me," Tonie drawled, smirking, "I've got much better things to do than chase your man. You can have him, he's got far too much ego for me, anyways."   
  
Umah looked like she'd have dearly loved to dismember Tonie there and then.   
  
"Guys, could we be a little bit constructive here?" I snapped, just as Tonie wheeled on me.   
  
"Oh ain't that the freshest thing I've heard all day! You spend the rest of the day screaming at a video game, throwing Cherry Coke and game controllers and you tell ME to be constructive?!"   
  
"Why aren't these two blithering idiots caged and killed about now?" Umah questioned, turning to Vorador.   
  
My right eyebrow began to twitch at least seven times before I turned to Umah. Shaking, I stepped forward, then stepped up to her, the most sadistic, Jack Nicholson in "The Shining" look on my face as I flipped out a pocket knife.   
  
"_HEEEEEERRRREEEE'S JOHNNY!_"   
  
"Okay," Tonie said brightly, dragging me away from Umah, "No more crack for you!"   
  
I struggled, swinging the knife around in the air like a rabided dog as my vampiric friend dodged the blade. It was then, I felt a powerful claw grip my wrist tightly. The claw tightened it's grip, feeling as if my wrist was doing to shatter. Surely enough, Vorador had me by the wrist, and slowly began to loosen it as the knife clattered to the ground. I looked up at him angerly, and said in a plain, pissed-off tone:   
  
"You suck, dude."   
  
  
_SNAP!!!_   
  
  
How'd you guess he broke my wrist? I glared darkly at him as he released me.  
  
"Leave her alone," he said firmly, bending down to pick up my knife. I clutched my broken wrist to my chest.  
  
"That hurt, you know."  
  
"That was the idea, Ted," he growled.   
  
"I don't understand how you have so many brides and they all stay with ya if you break their wrists!"   
  
The green vampire shot a glance at me and looked ten times more pissed off then before. He leaned over me and stuck his smug right in my face with an angry glare.   
  
"You just don't seem to get it, do you?! I could care less at the moment weither you're a vampire or a human but at the moment you're acting more like a female dog!"   
  
That's when I heard Tonie's knuckles cracking... that was never a good sound...   
  
"Now aren't we being friendly?" she said, smirking away. "Nobody breaks my buddy's wrist and gets away with it!"   
  
"Is that a challenge?" 


End file.
